Improvement

In my first draft, there are too many summary, and I don't have enough analysis. Also, I don't have any quotation in my body paragraph to support my opinion. In addition, my first draft's thinking is very easy. Ian my final draft, I think I change a lot that to make my opinion to be harder to broke. I have lots of grammar mistakes in my first draft. Although there are still some mistakes, but that is not as many as in the first draft. In my final draft, have the correct format.